My daughter, the one that we kicked out of the house 4 weeks ago, is back home. My fabulous father (insert sarcasm here) couldn't deal with the drug use and crap and tossed her out.
I spent some time with my therapist today, chatting about the issue and what I should do about it. We have given her chance after chance to deal with the issues at hand, and she repeatedly takes advantage of our love and kindness and ends up in the same place she always is - our bad side.
I know there is more to her, there must be a chemical or biological issue. Neither of my other two kids are as oppositional, defiant, combative or rude as her. She can't hold down a job, doesn't go to class, and has no respect for anyone else but herself.
So, she's going to sleep on the couch tonight; we've told her that having a place in this home is a priviledge that is earned, not owed. In the morning, we will go to child and family services to chat about some family support systems that we can implement to make sure she is successful this time. She will need to keep up with her AADAC appointments, go regularly for individual and family counselling, and partake in the behavioral clinic at the hospital. We will be performing random drug tests so that we know she is clean. She will not have keys to my house until I know I can trust her.
We have told her very clearly that there will be a zero-tolerance for attitude, deceit, drugs, alcohol and skipping school.
We will see what the coming weeks hold, and whether or not she is still in our home. We will not be held hostage in our home ever, ever again.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
3 - 1 - 1 +1 = 2
It looks as though that even with the excitement we've had the last two weeks since tossing out middle daughter out of the house, we may have a taker for the empty bedroom. It seems our eldest wants to move back to Calgary, back into our house, and go to school down the road from us.
I have mixed emotions about this. Firstly, I was really warming up to the idea of only having one child living at home. That would mean the grocery bill would go down, the water bill, and the stress. We were down to our last 5 years until we became empty nesters. On the other hand, she does seem really excited to come home, and her little sister missed her the last 2-1/2 years, and the program at the university here would be a much better fit for her, given her learning disability and anxiety issues.
We would need to set some ground rules, of course, considering she's an adult now, and the idea of consequences as a teen is a bit old for her now. We will have to lay out clear expectations. But will she follow them? Will she be respectful of our home, our time, our concerns?
There are alot of trust issues that run deep with her and my husband and I. She would have to agree to stick to counselling, school and find a job. There would be a zero tolerance for lies. Will she be able to deal with that?
I guess time will tell...
I have mixed emotions about this. Firstly, I was really warming up to the idea of only having one child living at home. That would mean the grocery bill would go down, the water bill, and the stress. We were down to our last 5 years until we became empty nesters. On the other hand, she does seem really excited to come home, and her little sister missed her the last 2-1/2 years, and the program at the university here would be a much better fit for her, given her learning disability and anxiety issues.
We would need to set some ground rules, of course, considering she's an adult now, and the idea of consequences as a teen is a bit old for her now. We will have to lay out clear expectations. But will she follow them? Will she be respectful of our home, our time, our concerns?
There are alot of trust issues that run deep with her and my husband and I. She would have to agree to stick to counselling, school and find a job. There would be a zero tolerance for lies. Will she be able to deal with that?
I guess time will tell...
Friday, January 1, 2010
Hello?? Is anybody out there??
I know this is a new blog, and there is nobody in the world reading this yet, and for the most part, I'm okay with that. I never intended this to be a big deal, just a way to get some thoughts and feelings out of my head and down permanently so that I can reflect.
But today I could really use someone, anyone, to just say, "you're doing the best you can". I want to die. I hate my life. I hate being a mom. I wish my children were never born.
I regret not having a mother when I was growing up that - in the precise words of my 14 year old daughter - "cared too much" and had taught me the consequences of premarital sex. Maybe then, I wouldn't have been pregnant at 17 and not knowing what to do. Looking back, my now husband and I had only been dating a few months, and didn't really knew what laid ahead. Knowing what I know now, I would have aborted that baby.
Nothing I do is ever good enough, I always seem to care too much, be too concerned about their safety, want too much info about what they're doing, who they'll be with, etc. I always thought that was what a good parent was supposed to look like. My parents never asked questions, and I ran rampant. Now, in the age of internet and Facebook, my kids find it offensive that I am curious enough to know what is on their profile pages so that they aren't being stalked by some creepy internet predator. They think I should be providing the basic necessities of life, and that's it.
That, to me, says I don't care about the welfare of my kids, especially considering they're all girls. My 18 year old thought it was okay to go out on New Year's Eve and text me at 2:30 am to tell me she "was too drunk to come home". I then had to track her down at her boyfriend's house at 7pm because I was worried that I hadn't heard from her all day. She saw nothing wrong with it.
What is wrong with this generation that they don't recognize genuine concern and respect? Do they live in such an electronic age with email, Facebook and text messaging that they don't see when someone is just looking out for their best interests and safety?
Where did I go wrong?
I regret not having a mother when I was growing up that - in the precise words of my 14 year old daughter - "cared too much" and had taught me the consequences of premarital sex. Maybe then, I wouldn't have been pregnant at 17 and not knowing what to do. Looking back, my now husband and I had only been dating a few months, and didn't really knew what laid ahead. Knowing what I know now, I would have aborted that baby.
Nothing I do is ever good enough, I always seem to care too much, be too concerned about their safety, want too much info about what they're doing, who they'll be with, etc. I always thought that was what a good parent was supposed to look like. My parents never asked questions, and I ran rampant. Now, in the age of internet and Facebook, my kids find it offensive that I am curious enough to know what is on their profile pages so that they aren't being stalked by some creepy internet predator. They think I should be providing the basic necessities of life, and that's it.
That, to me, says I don't care about the welfare of my kids, especially considering they're all girls. My 18 year old thought it was okay to go out on New Year's Eve and text me at 2:30 am to tell me she "was too drunk to come home". I then had to track her down at her boyfriend's house at 7pm because I was worried that I hadn't heard from her all day. She saw nothing wrong with it.
What is wrong with this generation that they don't recognize genuine concern and respect? Do they live in such an electronic age with email, Facebook and text messaging that they don't see when someone is just looking out for their best interests and safety?
Where did I go wrong?
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